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Tag Archives: humor

Wrestling Bathtubs and Other Remodeling Moves

Tonight my husband and I went to help our oldest son with his latest home improvement project. He is finishing his basement into a family room, bedroom and bathroom. We are helping with the bedroom and bathroom.

On our way to his home we stopped at Home Depot to pick up some sheet rock, 2 X 4’s and a bathtub/shower combination for his bathroom. We managed to get in all in the pickup truck and secured for the last half hour to his home. He doesn’t own a pick up truck so we have hauled whatever he can’t fit in his Impala with the seats folded down. I’m amazed at what he can fit in his car.

After arriving at his home we unloaded the truck and decided it was time to tackle carrying the bathtub into the house. His home is a split level entry so we went in the front door and started down the steps to the basement. My husband was at the bottom and my son and I at the top.

We made it through the front door with the beast but soon realized that we would have to change our plan of attack so it was back outside to turn the tub a different way and then back inside to try it again. We had to lift it high over the railing and head down the stairs.

We got to the bottom and got stuck. Back up the stairs to remove the hand railing to give us more room. Did I mention that the tub was made of fiber glass and by now we were itchy and had cuts on our hands from the fiber glass? Not fun.

Before we could remove the hand railing we set the tub down on the stairs only to wedge my son’s foot into a spot under the tub that we were having difficulty removing it from. He felt a little claustrophobic. We got it out and the railing off.

Back down the stairs with the tub. At the bottom of the stairs we needed to turn the tub 45 degrees to the left. Not enough room so we had to remove the packing feet from the tub. Still not enough room. My husband had to remove two studs from the wall at the bottom of the steps and the sheet rock from those spaces to negotiate the turn. We thought we were done with demolition last weekend.

After tonight we are taking tomorrow off from home improvement to take Dad’s sailboat out of the lake for the season. There may be large quantities of wine involved after tonight’s wrestling match. Then it will be back at home improvement on Saturday and Sunday. I hope we survive and his home.

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Stuck In The Middle With You

It’s been an interesting week at the car lot.  On Tuesday we had an older couple come in to shop cars.  They had recently totaled their Buick in an accident and needed to replace it.  The couple’s names were Al and Bernice.  Both of them are 75 years old.

Al and Bernice came into the shop after lunch on Tuesday and spent the afternoon sitting in the different cars on the lot and test driving them.  They were there most of the afternoon.  When they were ready to leave they had narrowed their choices down to either a Buick LaCrosse or Buick Lucerne.

Wednesday afternoon they came back and asked if they could try some other cars on the lot.  I asked which one they would like to try and they said the Chevy Impala but not one of the ones with the shifter on the floor, they wanted a bench seat and a column shifter.  We had four Impala’s on the lot but only one had a bench seat with a column shifter so I brought that around and parked it next to the Buick LaCrosse so they could compare.  They sat in both cars and test drove both cars and decided that they really liked the Chevy better.  They said they would be back between 10-11 am on Friday to pick up the car.

Yesterday which was Thursday, Al and Bernice stopped back in to sit in the Chevy just one more time before Friday and to tell us to make sure we kept the car inside overnight where it would be nice and warm.  Also we needed to wash it and fill it with gas before they picked it up on Friday. 

Washing and filling the car with gas is something we already do for each car we sell but we don’t generally keep them inside overnight before pickup but we did last evening.  I asked Bernice how she liked shopping for cars while her husband was talking numbers with my husband.  Her unexpected response was “It’s a god damn pain in the ass”.  I didn’t know whether she was referring to the car buying experience in general or the car buying experience with Al. She looked exhausted.

Today we were busy with many jobs we needed to finish up on warranty items for customers before the weekend.  Ten o’clock, Eleven o’clock, Twelve o’clock all came and went and no Al and Bernice.  My husband and I left and went home for a quick-lunch.  It wasn’t long after we got home that we got a phone call to say the state inspector was there to look at all of my car sales paperwork.  This is an annual inspection but always a surprise inspection.  We headed back to the shop and I worked with the inspector through my paperwork but in the middle of it in walked Al and Bernice to do their paperwork for the car.

Inspector Dan sat at my husband’s desk while I did the paperwork for the car sale with Al and Bernice.  I tried to hurry through the paperwork as quickly as I could but Al was up for some visiting while we did the paperwork.  Dan waited patiently but I was constantly aware of his presence knowing he was waiting for me to finish and listening to every word I told my customers.  I wanted to get it right with him listening, he knows the rules and expects that I should know them too.

Finally it was time for Al and Bernice to head down the road with their new car when Al said “You need to come outside to the new car and explain all those new fangled gadgets on that car.”  I tried to find someone else to explain the car instrument panel to Al and Bernice but no one was available.

I headed outside with the two of them. 

Al said “I will sit in the driver’s seat and you can slide on in next to me and Ma can sit next to you. That way all of us have a good spot to sit.”

At first the three of us sat in the front seat with me stuck in the middle but left the car doors open.  It started to get colder so they shut the doors.  I was definitely squeezed in now.  Al said “It’s just like the old days, you get the girl sitting close to you in the middle and your arm would reach back behind her and draw her in closer.”  I tried to imagine Al and Bernice as a young couple dating.  I’m sure he was a handful for Bernice.

I began to explain each part of the instrument panel in the car. When I finally thought that we were finished, remembering Dan inside waiting, Al started to ask questions about the very first parts that I had explained.  I ended up re-explaining the entire instrument panel all over again.

After my last explanation of the panel Al said that if they had any more questions they would stop by or wait until their first oil change.  I got out of the car and headed inside after they departed.  Dan was still waiting patiently for me inside.  He and my husband were laughing about something  when I came back inside the office. I was wondering if it was the picture of me stuck in the middle between Al and Bernice with his arm wrapped around the backside of my neck.

 
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Posted by on January 29, 2011 in Business Matters, Humor, Life Happens

 

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Haircare: “The Gods Must Be Crazy” Style

Last Sunday at church I was talking to a young mom and mentioned the fact that when I was in junior high we didn’t have hairdryers or blow dryers as some people call them. Her mouth dropped wide open in disbelief. 

I know I’m dating myself when I say that in the 70’s I was in junior high. My first job with a paycheck other than babysitting was a newspaper route. I was excited to have some money of my own to spend on some discretionary items. 

In 1973 I went to get my haircut and the stylist used a handheld hair dryer. I was impressed with its convenience. The thought of not racing out the door in the morning to school with wet hair was enticing. I was never much for taking a bath the night before school. I always took a shower in the morning but never quite early enough for my hair to be completely dry.

I asked the stylist where I could find one of those hair dryers and she told me which store I could find one. It was within walking distance so I took some money out of my savings account and went to the store and purchased one. I was so excited to use it that I went home, took a shower and tried out my new dryer. 

In our home we only had one bathroom with a tub/shower for a family of eight. In the morning we were like a well-oiled machine. We each had our appointed time in the shower and then we would head to our rooms to finish getting ready. I left my hair dryer in the bathroom the night before after my shower.  

The next morning when I went to use my hairdryer it was gone. My sister had it in her room. I retrieved it. I put it back in the bathroom after using it and the following morning the dryer was gone from the bathroom once again. This time I found it in my brother’s room. It seems that he found it useful as well. 

Over the following weeks each and every member of my family found use for my hairdryer. I was so surprised one morning when I came down from my attic bedroom to the sound of the hairdryer in the bathroom during my Dad’s shower time. Not Dad too….

In the movie “The Gods Must Be Crazy” an empty coke bottle is dropped from an airplane into an isolated tribe. The tribe members all found uses for the newfound item. Each member “needed” the coke bottle even though they had never seen or used one before.

Finally the tribe leader who was tired of all the fighting that the coke bottle caused within the tribe decides to walk and throw the Coke bottle off the end of the earth to bring peace back to the tribe.

After several weeks of chasing after my hair dryer to retrieve it so I could use it, I was ready to throw it out our window because I never got to use it when I wanted to dry my hair. I was still leaving for school with wet hair. So much for new technology, what good is it if you never get to use it?

 
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Posted by on January 24, 2011 in Family, Humor, Life Happens

 

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Dear Ann Landers, If I were a guest I’d be better behaved!

Dear Ann Landers,

If I were a guest I’d be better behaved.  This past week I had a guest arrive at my home unannounced.  My Momma always told me to call ahead so that your hostess would be able to prepare for your arrival.  My guest did not.  I don’t even know when he arrived.  Perhaps even in the early morning hours while we were sleeping.  I knew that he was here because I saw signs of his arrival.

When I went to the pantry he had been there and chewed through the corner of the chocolate chip bag that I intended to make cookies for my children.  Really if he had only asked for some chips I would have given them for sure.  I’m big on hospitality. 

Last evening I put some peanut butter out for him to dine on if he desired.  He did ,but he left such a mess on my kitchen counters that I feel it necessary to sanitize it before it can be used again.  Really, is that how a guest is to behave?  My Momma told me to always clean up after yourself when you were visiting.  It’s only polite not to make your hostess work more because you are there.

 Last evening while we were sleeping he kept such late hours as to keep the house awake with his chewing.  He must have known that I was displeased for each time I climbed from my bed to tell him to leave he quieted down but only long enough for me to crawl back into my bed.  It wouldn’t have been too bad but I think he invited some friends over as well for the amount of peanut butter he ate was surely more than one could consume.  My Momma would be appalled if I invited my friends over to another’s home without asking.

Just one more thing.  I find it particularly rude that my guest investigates every corner of my home.  There are places that I wouldn’t even show my Momma that he has been!  Momma said that you should only go to the places in another’s home to which you have been invited and by no means should you investigate another’s bathroom drawers or medicine cabinet.  That’s just plain rude.  Maybe he didn’t have as good of Momma as I do but really some things just make perfect sense. 

My Momma says that if you don’t have the answer no one does.  I would be eternally grateful for your suggestions for the removal of my unwanted guest.  It’s time for him to leave but I don’t want to be rude. 

Sincerely,

FlyingGma

 
16 Comments

Posted by on December 29, 2010 in Humor, Life Happens, New Challenges

 

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Dejanesia..When Deja Vu and Amnesia collide

A new word perhaps, but we’ve all been there before.  Deja Vu and amnesia.  We’re pretty sure that we’ve forgotten this before.  My husband and are both getting older.  He’s 51 and I’m 50.  We laugh now, but the more times we forget something you start wondering.  Am I really losing it?  Did you really tell me that before and I don’t remember or are you just messing with me?

It’s  not so funny as we get older.

Just this week in the car we were driving and my husband was talking about a part he needed to order for a truck we have for sale.  He hated to order it because it is so expensive for what it is.  I said to him why don’t you just have one of our boys draw up the plans for the part and have some manufactured.  In the long run it could be cheaper and if you have leftover parts you could sell them on Ebay.  Both of our sons do mechanical design work for different companies and are capable of producing the part. 

We drove a little farther and I was rambling on about the part for about 30 seconds and he looked at me like I lost my mind because he couldn’t remember what we were talking about thirty seconds ago and what I was talking about made no sense to him for what he was thinking about.  He tried to pick up some clues to what I was talking about and finally just asked “What were we just talking about?  I don’t remember.” 

Its not only him.  We both get so deep in our thoughts when we travel anywhere.  When one of us starts a conversation we first have to pull the other away from their thoughts and into the present to get their attention.  The older I get I can appreciate quiet and thinking time.

My grandmother had dementia when she died in her nineties.  I guess the fact that it waited until she was in her nineties to show up gives me a few more years before I need to worry.  Is it in my blood?  The thought creeps in when you head all the way down to the basement to get something, get there and can’t remember what you were there for then back upstairs to remember what you went to get or do. 

How many of us have headed down the road and then back home again to check, re-check some item before we head out on vacation?  I have.  I’ve even made it to the airport and called my next door neighbor to please go check if I left my curling iron on in the bathroom.  The old one didn’t have an automatic turn off.

Each year about this time my husband and I help my parents take their sailboat out of the lake for the winter.  It’s something we’ve done just the four of us each fall and then the reverse in the spring. for several years sometimes with snowflakes falling.    Every year we stand scratching our heads trying to remember what has to happen first.  Which cables to loosen before we let the 25′ mast down or wait…do we leave those cables tight until the mast is down then loosen the cables?  Do we have the front of the boat parked uphill or downhill one way was definitely easier last year? Did we remember all the tools we need?  Usually not!

This year so I don’t suffer dejanesia again in the spring I think I will make a list of the sequence of events for the sailboat so that in the spring we won’t be wondering just how we did it the last time.  But then of course we would have to do things in reverse which can create a whole new set of problems.  Some people just can’t comprehend doing things in reverse order even if its written down.  You would think that having the same four people at the same event each year at least one of us would remember the order.  We provide the entertainment for any local fishermen trying to put their boats in or out of the boat landing.  I’m reminded of the Three Stooges show that used to be on Sunday mornings as we got ready for church only now there are four.

I’ll let you know how it goes, unless, of course, I think that I already told you before even if I haven’t.  Dejanesia can be so much fun.

 
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Posted by on October 8, 2010 in Humor, Life Happens, Uncategorized

 

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There’s a Disruption in the Force and We Feel It

Whenever my husband and I try to take a day off of work at some point in the future things start happening.  It’s like someone put a billboard up for everyone to see that we are trying to take a day off.  A few years ago we decided to take a Tuesday off to get some things ready around home for our oldest daughter’s graduation party.

At  8:30 am a truck drove in our yard and a man came to the front door and asked if my husband was home.  I went in the livingroom and got him from his recliner.  He had decided to enjoy his cup of coffee in his pajamas before getting busy on our projects.  I was still in my pj’s as well.  My husband talked to the gentleman about the kind of truck he would like to purchase and sent him on his way.

Back to the recliner and coffee for him and I headed to the shower.  Next our next door neighbor saw our car still in the driveway and came over to ask my husband some automotive repair questions as long as he was home.  He didn’t want to bother him at work.  They sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and talking cars.  Soon he had his answers and left.

Back to recliner once again and then the phone rang and asked for my husband.  It was one of the guys from the shop and asked if we couldn’t take our air tank over to our other neighbors and air up her flat tire so she could drive it the four miles into town and have it repaired.  It made sense to them that we were closer to her and it would be easier for us to do it.  So I headed over to the neighbors with the tank and sent her on her way after airing up her tire and my husband headed to the shower. 

We managed to get the things accomplished we had intended to after our not so great start.  It got to the point it was getting comical for the amount of interruptions before 9:30 in the morning.

This past week we have been trying to get ready to be gone for a few days next week so we each have our list of things we need and want to have done before we leave.  It has been a never-ending series of phone calls and chuckles from my husband as he announces “You’ll never guess who just called and wants an appointment for this week.”  You would think that somewhere out there they think that if we leave town for a few days we might like it better somewhere else and may decide not to return so they better get their stuff taken care of now.

On the same note however I am amazed at the list I have come up with of things I feel I need to have done before we leave.  There is the closet that has been a mess for the past year really should be cleaned out, the refrigerator needs to be cleaned .  The bathrooms all need to be cleaned just in case someone stops by to use them while we are gone.  Of course, I should get all the windows washed and all the laundry done.    I’ve been driving myself crazy and the rest of the family as I try to tackle my ever-increasing list. 

I would love to leave home with a picture perfect clean home but who am I trying to kid.  It didn’t take a week to get in the condition it is in and it certainly will take more than a week to get everything clean especially with working full-time.  I found myself washing winter coats today that were in that closet mentioned above.  Why??  I don’t know.  They have been just fine in the closet and would have been until this fall when it would be time to dig them out again.  I guess I will be a little ahead of the usual game by having them clean this early but at what price.  At the pace I have been keeping this past week, it will take my entire time off to wind down to relax and then it will be back to work.

I’m looking forward to a few days off.  At least this year when we leave we finally have our will in place just in case something would happen to us on vacation.  It was one of those things on my ever-increasing list to do before vacations.  Up til now we never got our wills done because we couldn’t decide who to put in charge of our four kids if something happened to us.  They are all grown now and can fend for themselves.  It’s nice to have at least one thing off that list.

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2010 in Humor, Vacations

 

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I Just Couldn’t Tell the Truth Yesterday and Here is Why..

I arrived at work yesterday just like anyday and parked out back and walked all the way through the shop up to the office stopping only to punch in on the timeclock halfway through the building.

I sat down at my computer to check my email and look at what I needed to get done for the day.  I wasn’t there but a few minutes and one of our mechanics came in the office with a extension tool that has a claw on the bottom for picking up things. 

He said “Did you bring these with you to work today?  I found them just inside the back door.”  I looked at what was at the bottom of his claw thing and it was a pair of my underwear.

I looked at him and said “I never saw those before, they are not from my house.” 

I just couldn’t admit to our 29 year old  mechanic that he had my underwear in his possession. 

Apparently yesterday morning when I put my capris on the previous days underwear were still inside.  I had only worn the capris for a couple hours at work the day before and had come home to change before taking my daughter to an appointment. 

I don’t know how I could not feel them inside when I put on new underwear and the capris and left for work but I didn’t.

What I am still wondering about is why didn’t he just put them in the dumpster which was a few feet away.  Instead he had to walk to his toolbox about 20 feet away and back to the location of the underwear.  Pick them up with the extension tool and walk all the way through the shop with my underwear hanging off the bottom of this tool up to the office. 

I was thankful at the moment that there were no customers in the waiting room which is where my desk is.  When I realized what was on the tool I removed them and put them in the trash. He left the office with his tool in hand minus my underwear.

Now this particular mechanic is not the mean spiteful kind that would knowingly try to embarrass someone like some of our other mechanics.  He is young and kind.  So what was he thinking?  I would truly like to know. 

My husband said that he had noticed the underwear on the ground and he thought that someone had “parked” behind our building and left them behind.  Apparently he didn’t know his own wife’s underwear.  I just guess they are not very exciting.

Today I will try to be more truthful.  It is a new day!  I’ve have been humbled once again.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on June 11, 2010 in Humor, Life Happens

 

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